I had a pretty bad Islamic education. Like many Sunday school teachers, my teacher emphasized the importance of motherhood and being an obedient wife (two things which of course first require a man). But she went way beyond that. She taught her students, all girls, things like we should get fertility tests before marriage to make sure we can have children. Otherwise, we’re completely useless to men and shouldn’t get married. Of course, if we don’t get married, we have a useless life since the only way we could even attempt to get to heaven is by being an obedient wife (this eventually fueled my opinion, during a contumacious period of life, that the only halal career choice for a woman is to be a prostitute that does mutah contracts… I’m weird and anonymous.)
Anyway, most of my Islamic education was on being a good mother and a good wife. The idea of these positions being absolutely vital to being a good Muslimah has been deeply embedded in my mind, and to this day I’ve listened to even less-scary lecturers who repeat it over and over again.
A problem with this is that a lot of women aren’t getting married. There are countless posts on the Internet for why women can’t find men, but I want to talk about motherhood. Being a mother is something so cherished in Islam, but under normal circumstances a woman can’t be a mother without a man at some point in her life. The fact that I’m quickly reaching old maid status and have little to no expectation of finding a man soon is kind of daunting.
So for the past few years I’ve been researching single-parent adoption. I hope in at least five years I’ll feel financially and mentally capable of adopting a child. I always assumed that adoption would be unquestionably halal, as taking care of orphans is mentioned in the Qur’an as a righteous deed and Prophet Muhammad (SAW) adopted Zayd ibn Haritah.
Well, apparently, I was quite wrong. In fact, many people consider adoption to be haraam. Upon researching it further, I found quite a few scholars who state that adoption in of itself is not legal, but being more of a foster parent is permitted. The reasoning behind this is to protect the rights of the child. If it weren’t for that particular reasoning, I’d have brushed it off and never consider it too seriously.
However, if it is for protecting the rights of the child, I’m uncertain as to how to proceed. From my most basic understanding of the issue, the child is to keep her or his family’s name, have the right to visit her or his real parents, have the right to her or his proper inheritance, and be their own individual. The people who take care of the child, if they are not biological, are not considered parents of that child (unless wet-nurses get involved but whatever).
Being South Asian, I’ve experienced people pitying women who are in their 30s and unmarried. No matter how successful they believe they are they aren’t considered successful to others without a man. Why should women have to feel that way? Women who choose to be single shouldn’t be shunned. Women who can’t find partners shouldn’t be pitied. Shouldn’t women who want to be mothers be permitted to become mothers? (I later looked into Islamic perspectives on artificial insemination, and, well, let’s just say that didn’t go too well either).
The article linked above on adoption noted that Muslim children frequently come into the the adoption/foster “system” but very few Muslim parents will adopt. Clearly, we need to update our understandings of adoption so that it can fit with modern day society, but the question is how? I’m sure there are other Muslimahs who want to be mothers, who have so much love they could give to a child, but feel that it’s not permitted in Islam. If I were to adopt a child, recognizing the child’s rights would be very important. The question is, would it interfere with the legal process? Does that mean it’s impossible to adopt a child both legally and Islamically?
#TheseAreTheQuestionsIdAskMyImam #IMissMyImam #WhoCanIAskThis
